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A Vampire’s Guide to a Clean Car

There are certain standards that one must maintain to ensure that you do not go insane in your everlasting afterlife and keeping things clean, organized, and streamlined is a must do. It helps that the habits of your human life only amplify as a vampire. That neuroticism you had about keeping everything you owned clean is more heightened than you could have ever imagined. It is manageable to keep your castle and coffin clean, as long as you dust regularly and because you prefer to eat on the go rather than dining in most nights, but your precious, vintage Bugatti is another story.

Time management is key when you have to be back in your coffin before daybreak, so the convenience of grabbing a bite en route between point A and B is a huge draw. If you have ever eaten in the car you know the feeling when a french fry drops between the seats, but just imagine if instead of a french fry it was warm, sticky ooze (while appetizing) running down your leather seats and onto the floor where it will surely be ingrained in your car carpet for all eternity. As a vampire there isn’t much to be a afraid of, but this sight induces nightmares. The worst part about it is that it is not just a single situation, but happens again and again so even the thought of having a nice meal loses its appeal. Centuries of cleaning products, and let’s be honest none of them really do the job when it comes to blood stains. A baking soda mixture and elbow grease will only leave you with a sore arm and smeared, worn carpet at the end of the day. There is nothing more frustrating than spending time and energy to fix something and it only turning out worse than where you started. So what is a vampire supposed to do to be able have its cake and eat it too?


One day in exchange for skipping a meal (because you become desperate when there is a vintage car in the mix), I was offered a revolutionary product. The mats were made custom to the Bugatti flooring and they completely opened up the possibilities of eating on the go, easy clean up, and actually having extra time in the evening to “hang” out with the other vampires around town which was a novelty before ExactMats. Not having to spend the better half of the night scrubbing and cleaning was a huge feat. With a few simple wipes my cleanup was complete. From that point forward, keeping a clean car was no longer a constant battle which spread like wildfire across the vampire community.

It was almost spooky how well this seemingly simple product protected my beloved Bugatti from any spills or messes that might occur during dinner. A vampire’s car is a cherished place and to have anything take away from its character and beauty would be a complete shame. This is why that aside from the easy clean up aspect of ExactMats (which is glorious all on it’s own) the sleek design is an equally important feature. The mats fit concisely into the car and the clear design makes them almost invisible to the eye. It is a product that packs a big punch while being nearly invisible, just like a vampire in a mirror. ExactMats made clearing the table, so to say, a breeze, turning a downside of being a vampire into a perk and making eternal life worth “living.”

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